


always had that heart of mine

by paganeyes



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:03:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8782150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paganeyes/pseuds/paganeyes
Summary: a closer look at the relationship between josh dun and tyler joseph over the years.





	1. high school

Freshman Year

They meet freshman year. Tyler has seen Josh around the school before and he's always thought he was pretty cute. He's heard rumors about the boy being gay, but he doesn't know for sure. All he knows is that Josh has a really pretty smile, okay? 

It's in drama club, the first time Tyler gets the nerve to speak to the cute boy rather than stare at him longingly (creepily) from far away. The drama club isn't much of a club, because there's no room in the school budget for one, but more of a young English teacher yelling out ideas about putting together a production inspired by Tim Burton to a group of maybe fifteen 'artsy' kids. Halfway through the teacher talking about how they could switch from movie to movie, Tyler stared to space out, staring at the back of Josh's head. There's no way the play will work, successfully anyways, and Tyler realizes that this is a huge waste of his time, but at least it's an excuse to look at Josh for an hour or so. 

Josh ended up turning around in his seat, probably having realized the same thing as Tyler. Josh smiles when they meet eyes and Tyler blushes and tries to act like he wasn't just staring and daydreaming about Josh's lips. Josh asks him if he likes Tim Burton. 

"I've always been a big fan. I really liked Sweeney Todd, I probably know like all the lyrics to the songs," he lets out a shaky laugh and picks at his fingers, eyes still on Josh as he speaks. "You know the character Mrs. Lovett? She's my favorite." Josh nods along the entire time Tyler is speaking.

"I was actually just thinking that you'd be perfect to play her." Tyler's face goes red, redder than Josh's hair, and he can't stop smiling. 

"Thanks."

"You should totally audition for that role." 

Tyler doesn't though. Maybe he's being a little pretentious, but he doesn't go back to drama club and neither does Josh. They see each other in the hallways sometimes and share shy smiles now. Tyler notices that they have a computer class together. Tyler doesn't talk to Josh, though, just watches him laugh and smile with his friends from afar. Tyler is jealous of all of them.

He's jealous of Josh too, if he really admits it. Josh gets an award at the end of the year for being the top student.

Tyler claps loudly and smiles to himself, watching as Josh is called onto the stage and handed an award. There's something in the back of his mind, eating away at him the whole time.  _why couldn’t you be better? why can’t you be more like josh? you worked so hard and here you are. you still weren’t good enough. josh was better than you. that’s why he has friends and you don’t. josh is way out of your league. stop dreaming._

Tyler shakes his head a little and sweeps the bad thoughts to the back of his mind. Josh looks really happy.

He's glad. 

* * *

 

Sophomore Year

Sophomore year is different. They have almost all of their classes together. 

Tyler is quiet, nervous and annoyed most of the time. He's never been a big fan of school. Whenever Josh speaks to him though, it's like he's a totally different person. He feels more at ease. Everything doesn't feel so forced, which is why he doesn't talk much in the first place. Because it would be forced.

Tyler starts dating Jenna a few months into the school year. He doesn't really know why as they had dated before and it hadn't worked out. Tyler thinks it's mostly because of his mom pestering him about having a girlfriend all the time and Jenna is familiar. He's known Jenna since they were in middle school and Tyler had moved into town. 

She was a senior that year. Everyone would talk about how it was crazy that a weirdo sophomore like  _Tyler Joseph_ had managed to get such a catch like the hot senior  _Jenna Black_. Jenna's always liked Tyler though. She's always had a crush on him and ever since they had first met she had been trying to date him. Tyler never really felt the connection. He still didn't, but it was the right thing to do, right? Of course it was the right thing to do; to date Jenna, because Jenna was perfect. She was beautiful, blonde, and smart. She was graduating and had already been accepted to a bunch of fancy colleges. She went to the same church as Tyler and she was funny, loud, and popular. Tyler should have been grateful that someone like her had even looked his way. And yet, he still felt disappointed. He still felt this yearn for Josh. 

Josh had a girlfriend that year as well. Tyler knew her, in fact he was friends with her. Her name was Debby and she had a found, pretty face and long hair the color of a bright, new penny. Tyler hated her because he was jealous of her, but he would never say that, no, sir. Instead he sits with them at lunch sometimes and smiles. He tells Josh that they're a really cute couple. Josh looks a bit awkward, but he forces a smile.

"Thanks, bro. You and Jenna are really cute too." 

Tyler wants to sink into the ground. 

*

History is probably Tyler's least favorite class, if he has to pick, although he does enjoy staring at Josh's profile from time to time. Everyone in their class is noisy and obnoxious. Tyler can't even concentrate on ignoring them and he always ends up with a headache. Towards the end of the year, his seat is moved to the side of Josh's. They start to talk a bit more, mostly mindless flirting and discussions about random things. Nothing serious. It's Tyler's favorite part of the day, though. He thinks it's amazing that Josh can change his mood so drastically, just with one of his pretty smiles. 

On one of the last days of school that year, they end up hanging out in the cafeteria. They're both exempt from taking finals because they have straight A's. They sit together, a little too close for just friends. They play hangman in Josh's notebook. Tyler goes first and his message is, 'Josh smells.' They laugh and joke around the entire day. Tyler feels safe.

The next day, Josh comes up to his desk during history. He looks a bit nervous.

"So, you know how like. We were playing hangman and stuff?" Tyler can feel his heart start to thud and wonders if Josh can hear it too.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I didn't want you to get like, weirded out or anything, because of that page where I wrote your name a bunch of times. With like hearts and stuff... It was from a while ago. I used to have a crush on you and stuff, but don't worry.. It's gone." Tyler is staring at Josh, not sure of what to say. His heart is still racing because Josh Dun had a crush on him. Then he freezes.  **Had** a crush on him, as in not anymore. How could Tyler have been so stupid? He had missed his chance with Josh and they weren't ever going to end up together.

"I didn’t see the page, but okay.” he smiles at Josh who goes as white as a sheet. 

They exchange numbers before school is released.

*

They text over the summer, but it's not much. Definitely not as much as Tyler would have liked to anyways. Tyler stops taking singing and bass lessons that summer. Jenna doesn't like the way some of the employees at the music store have been looking at Tyler lately. She doesn't like him going there, so he stops. He gives up music for her because that's what love is, right? That's what his mom had told him anyways. 

"We all have to make sacrifices for our loved ones, Tyler." His mom is always right.

Jenna can sing though. It's her passion and Tyler wants to support her. He spends most of his summer watching as she sings with the church choir for different events. He watches when she has a solo all by herself. Tyler can't help but think that she isn't even that good.

He likes to space out and daydream about Josh's smile most of the time. He knows it's wrong, but he can't help it. He was sure that Josh was having a nice summer. Probably getting tan and skating around. Maybe he even surfed. Tyler would give anything to be at the beach, stretched out in the warm sand and watching Josh in the water. 

He's brought out of his dreams of Josh's tanned abs when Jenna says,

"Did you hear that, babe? I hit the note that time!" Tyler nods and smiles.

He helps Jenna move into her dorm at the end of the summer. The college she ended up choosing is only an hour away from home. Jenna says he has to come see her every day. She’ll pick him up from school on some days and he can drive himself other days, since he just got his license anyways. Tyler just nods along and smiles, like he always does.

He thinks of Josh. 

* * *

Junior Year

Junior year didn't even feel real, not when Tyler looks back on it. When he thinks about it, he thinks of Josh and how much closer they became that year. It feels like a dream made up of innocent flirting, warm hugs and bright smiles.

Junior year felt like a damned teen romance movie.

Tyler and Josh only had English class together this year, which was disappointing but they made do. It was Tyler's favorite class. Tyler would give Josh book summaries on whatever novel they were supposed to read during the week. He likes to make sure that Josh is getting his work done. Somewhat. Their teacher is always yelling at them to stop talking and get their work done, which results in the two of them giggling and trying to quiet down. 

One class, they're meant to be reading, but they can't seem to stop talking. Tyler is twisted around in his seat so he's facing Josh, book in his hands, but completely forgotten. Josh is staring at him like he's the most interesting thing on Earth at the moment and Tyler feels amazing. Their teacher yells at them to stop talking and start reading.

"But we're reading to each other," Josh protests and Tyler nods in agreement. He's never talked back to a teacher, but Josh makes him feel confident.

"Well, whatever, you're doing, do it quietly," she snaps back, looking between both boys through the glasses on the tip of her nose. Tyler tries not to giggle. They both move closer to each other, holding the books up. Their foreheads are almost touching and Tyler starts to read to Josh, whispering. He looks up and catches Josh staring at his lips. Tyler feels his breath hitch in his throat and he fumbles over a sentence. It never ceased to amaze him, how easily Josh took his breath away. He forgets about Jenna for the next forty-five minutes.

Debby and Josh break up a few months into the year. Tyler doesn't know why he's so happy upon hearing the news, it wasn't like Josh was interested in him anyways. Tyler stops sitting with Debby at lunch because her friends trash talk Josh. 

It's halfway through the year when Tyler realizes he doesn't know much about Josh. He and a classmate, Mckayla, are discussing church and religion. They're deep into the conversation when she brings up Josh, for whatever reason. She says, “Josh Dun is a really religious guy.” Tyler stops speaking almost immediately and gives her a weird look.

“You’re joking, right?” She shakes her head and Tyler scoffs. 

“He is not.” 

“Is too.” She called out to Josh, who looks up from whatever he was doodling and smiles at both of them. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re Christian, right?”

“Yeah.” Tyler stares at Josh and then back at Mckayla who had a smirk on her face now. It wasn’t like it was a bad thing, obviously, it was just that Tyler had never really thought of Josh to be the type of guy who was overly religious, or even Christian for that matter. He was always posting things about the devil and the illuminati on tumblr and while Tyler knew he wasn't a devil worshipper, he didn't know exactly what he thought Josh was. It makes Tyler realize that he actually had no idea what “type of guy” Josh was. He didn’t know anything about the boy other than that he had a pretty smile and liked to flirt with Tyler. Tyler decided he was going to change that. He starts to ask Josh how he is, a simple and stupid question, but it leaves room to bring up personal things.

*

Josh starts dating some kid named Brendon Urie and Tyler is disappointed again. Brendon and him don't get along much. He's only spoken to Brendon once or twice, so he can't give a real reason why he doesn't like him other than the fact that he's jealous. Just as he was of Debby.

Something is wrong with Josh. Tyler notices that his face looks thinner, more drawn. His eyes have bags under them and he looks exhausted, as if he might just pass out in class. Tyler is worried. He takes Josh's hand and tells him that he can confide in him. He could tell Tyler anything he needed to and Tyler would listen, no judgement. 

Josh sends him a text later that night that he wants to kill himself. Tyler feels as if he's been punched in the gut. He's never had to deal with someone trying to kill themselves before, so he doesn’t know what to say. He simply lets the words flow through his fingertips, telling Josh all of his feelings without literally coming out and saying, “I’m in love with you.” Tyler stays as calm as he can manage and gets Josh through it though; he keeps Josh from hurting himself. Tyler finds out that Josh has been pill popping with his new boyfriend. Tyler feels angry at Brendon for doing this to Josh. He begs Josh not to do it anymore.

Josh isn't always the best at listening.

*

Every year their school took the Junior Class to Cedar Point. It's a two and half hour drive from Columbus. Tyler feels his bones ache as he finally steps off the bus. He finds Josh almost immediately, although he tries his hardest not to look too excited. 

It rains on and off all day, so nobody is really at the amusement park other than their fellow classmates. Josh and Tyler run around in the rain holding hands. Tyler makes Josh hold onto him every ride because he's terrified to go on them alone. Their friends buy a picture of them on one roller coaster and Tyler can't stop laughing. He's screaming his head off, holding onto Josh for dear life and Josh is just smiling all perfectly as usual.

"You guys look so cute. You should just date already, like come on." They both blush.

While they were waiting in line for their turn to ride the Corkscrew, Josh climbs over the little fence that held back bushes with all sorts of pretty flowers on them. He rips off a pink flower and tucks it behind Tyler's ear. Tyler wants to kiss Josh so much he starts to tear up. It's a good thing for the rain, he thinks, as they get soaked with a sudden shower. 

He gives Josh a ride home that night.

* 

The first time they ever actually speak on the phone, Josh calls Tyler drunk and crying. Jenna is annoyed, going on about how this was supposed to be her and Tyler's time together and Josh was ruining it.

Tyler ignores her and locks himself in the bathroom so he can talk to Josh calmly and without any distractions. He calms Josh down as best he can, which is hard because apparently Josh is a very emotional drunk. He's with Brendon, but he locked himself in the bathroom as well because he doesn't want to see him. Tyler becomes worried. He makes Josh text his brother to come pick him up. They stay on the phone until Tyler can hear a car honking in the background and Josh says that his brother has finally arrived. 

At the end of the school year, Tyler gives Josh a birthday present. It's a bath bomb that looks like space, because Josh is into space and aliens and all that stuff. (Totally not because Josh's eyes remind Tyler of the sparkling stars in the nighttime sky.) He also gives Josh a little pin with Superman on it. (Totally not because Josh feels like his Superman, saving him from the dull realities of every day life.) It's not much but Josh looks like he might just cry. He hugs Tyler. 

 

Josh calls Tyler for the second time that night. He's high instead this time and he tells Tyler that he made his birthday so special because of the gift. Tyler's night is made. 

 

It's his and Jenna's two year anniversary.

 

* * *

 

Senior Year (the beginning)

They hang out once over the summer, at Josh's house.

Josh has a bonfire.

He invites a few people from his church, Brendon, Tyler, and Jenna. Tyler gets to Josh's house early with Jenna, but Brendon is already there. He and Josh sneak kisses whenever Josh's mom isn't around. Tyler heard a rumor that she wasn't too accepting, but he had never actually asked Josh himself. They all go outside once everyone arrives. Tyler wants to talk to Josh, wants to sit beside him and feel close to him just like at school, but it's awkward for some reason.

Tyler feels needy, but he wants all of Josh's attention. He's upset because it isn't on him.

Tyler helps Josh's mom bring food out for everyone and is especially polite. She likes him a lot, or she acts like she does anyways. They leave early because Jenna is in a bad mood and she whispers to Tyler that she doesn't want to be there anymore. They don't see each other after that, not until school starts. Tyler makes sure to text Josh every week though, so he knows that Josh is okay. 

When they're back in school, Josh isn't dating Brendon anymore and Tyler feels relieved. He never liked Brendon anyways. Josh is dating some girl named Ashley. She has teal blue hair and she's very pretty. Tyler knows all of this because he sees it on Josh's snapchat story every. single. day. 

It's torture, but he tells Josh they're cute and smiles. He always does.

A month into their final school year he finds out that Jenna has been talking to someone from her Biology class for a few weeks now. Tyler feels like his head might explode.

All of these years wasted with Jenna because it was the _right thing to do_ and she had been cheating on him. He feels sick to his stomach. He feels hurt, sad, angry. He thinks of Josh and breaks up with Jenna. 

Jenna cries and cries. She screams and even shows up at Tyler's house to do so.

Tyler's mom makes him go outside and talk to her, although he doesn't do much talking at all. He just repeats that it's over about a dozen times while Jenna cries and screams that it can't be. He feels sad as he stares into her blue, blue eyes. It's all he has known for the past two years and now it's over.

 

Jenna is an ugly crier. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is going to be a series of short stories put together. i'm not sure if i'm going to post them in order or not, but they're all going to be about tyler and josh's relationship. each chapter will be labeled whatever it is about, so you guys can skip around or whatever if you'd like. these stories are based of my personal life. i hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> p.s.  
> i don't have anything against jenna or brendon, i just needed characters.


	2. the first two weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler and josh's first few weeks as a couple (sort of).

The first time they hang out at Tyler's house is the day after Tyler and Jenna break up. Tyler doesn't want to think anymore. He wants to feel safe and happy again. So he texts Josh and asks him to hang out. Josh doesn't hesitate to say yes. 

Tyler picks Josh up and they go back to his house. Tyler shows him around and then they lock themselves in Tyler's room. Tyler is trying really hard to be cool and impress Josh, so of course, he shows off his vinyl collection. He sets up his little record player and ends up playing the  _Thriller_ album by Michael Jackson. He places the needle towards the middle of the vinyl and grins as P.Y.T. starts to play. (Tyler knows  _all_ of the lyrics.) He performs for Josh, or at least that's what it looks like. Josh is sitting on his bed, looking amused while Tyler sings along and points to Josh every time he says, "pretty young thing." He hits all the high notes and everything, it's actually pretty impressive. 

Tyler clutches his shirt and looks Josh in the eye while he sings the lyrics, "won't you come it's emergency, cool my fire yearnin', honey, come set me free".

Josh is laughing at the end of the song and Tyler is doing the robot (or at least that what he says). He almost kisses Josh when he finishes.  _Almost._

Tyler's mom decides to burst into the room unannounced at that moment and both boys jump. She raises an eyebrow and laughs.

"Am I interrupting something?" They shake their heads. 

"Tyler was just performing a song for me," Josh grinned. "It was impressive."

"Ah, Tyler's always performing something," his mom smiles before letting them know that dinner will be ready soon. She leaves them be. 

Tyler can't stop blushing.

* * *

 

They're inseparable from the start. Tyler's siblings whisper at the table and wonder if the two boys are dating yet because they won't stop touching each other and are all giggly and smiley.

Tyler has always hated being alone and there's something that has always felt so right about Josh.

Something that feels so right when Josh wraps his arms around Tyler later that night. 

The first night they spend together is in Tyler's room, cuddled up in his queen sized bed, foreheads pressed together and fingers intertwined.

They play twenty questions. 

Tyler says that if there was anybody he could date in the entire world living or dead, it would be Josh. He tells Josh he wants to kiss him, but they fall asleep instead. 

Josh still has a girlfriend. 

A week passes and Josh spends every night with Tyler. Their second night together they spend at Josh's. Tyler sleeps on the couch and Josh sleeps on the recliner chair beside it. That Friday he finally breaks up with Ashley. Tyler wonders why it took him so long, but he doesn't question it.

They kiss for the first time.

Tyler has never kissed a boy before. It feels like magic. Josh's lips are soft and taste like raspberry Chapstick.

Tyler can't stop kissing them.

The next time they spend the night at Josh's apartment, they squish into his twin sized bed. They share sweet little kisses and its just as cozy and feels just as good(if not better) as the first night they had ever spent together. They watch American Horror Story on Josh's laptop and Tyler falls asleep halfway through an episode. 

When morning comes, Josh's mom stops by to drop something off. Tyler stays in the doorway, but he waves when she leaves. She calls Josh not even five minutes later.

"Who is that with you?"

"Tyler."

"Who's Tyler?"

"He..he's..he's my boyfriend, mom." Tyler's stomach feels sick, like he's just been punched in the gut. Like all of the air has been sucked out of his lungs and he is going to pass out.

Josh's mom hangs up and doesn't speak to him again for an entire week. When she does it's brisk and cold, the way you would speak to a stranger. They're sitting in Tyler's room, Tyler trying not to eavesdrop on the conversation as he finishes up some homework. 

Josh finally tells her to spit it out. What's bothering her so much? She says she's having a hard time dealing with his choices.

"What choices, mom?"

"You know what I mean, Joshua. Your lifestyle." Tyler can hear her from across the bedroom even though she's on the phone. She's yelling at Josh.

"No, I don't know what you mean. What lifestyle, mom?"

"Your  _homosexuality_ , Joshua! It isn't right! God doesn't want you to be with another boy, it's an abomination!" She goes on a long rant, but Tyler spaces out, thinking about how she had spit out the word, as if it had burnt her tongue just to say it. Josh ends up cutting her off, telling her how he's actually  _happy_ for once and that she should be happy for him.

"Goodnight, Joshua. I love you." She hangs up before Josh can even get another word in. Tyler stares at him, that same gut-twisting feeling returning.

He doesn't say anything, but sits beside Josh and combs his fingers through the boy's hair when he begins to cry. 

 

 


	3. halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh's first halloween

 

 

Senior year continues on.

They make it 'official' on October 9th. They get a bunch of congratulations, but mostly they hear, "it's about time."

The days grow shorter and nights become longer. Tyler is always complaining about the cold, but Josh is like a furnace for some reason, always warm and always radiating heat. Tyler uses this as an excuse to cuddle up to his side constantly. 

Tyler has always enjoyed Halloween, although he isn't really one for being spooked. He proves this when they go to a haunted house one night with Josh's sister and some of her friends.

It's Tyler's (and Josh's) first time going to a haunted house, as he's always chickened out. While they're waiting in line and he starts hearing screams, Tyler begins to back down. His heart is racing and he  _really_ doesn't want to go, but Josh pleads with him and holds his hand so he does it anyway.

Tyler walks with his eyes closed the entire time and his face buried in Josh's shoulder. Josh gets stepped on by one of the workers and they hurry their way through the haunted house as fast as they can.

It wasn't too bad, Tyler admits. He could definitely do it again, with Josh by his side of course.

 

They carve a pumpkin together. They're terrible at it and Tyler complains about how squishy the insides are. Josh eats a few pumpkin seeds and Tyler makes a gagging noise before giggling and accepting a kiss from his boyfriend. He ends up letting Josh finish the pumpkin because he's better at it and has more patience. 

 

Tyler asks Josh what he wants to dress up as for Halloween a week before the day and Josh simply shrugs. 

"I've never really done Halloween." Tyler's eyes nearly bulge out of his skull at that.

It's a monstrosity, truly.

Josh tells Tyler about how his parents never let him go out for Halloween or even dress up. Their family would instead go roller skating with other church people. Tyler's parents aren't as strict. 

Tyler continues to bug Josh about his costume, although Josh doesn't seem very interested in going trick or treating. He thinks they might be a bit too old, but Tyler insists that they have every reason to go trick or treating because Josh has never been before. They have to wrong this right. 

So Josh listens to Tyler list out all different ideas, 'ooh'ing and 'ah'ing at a few.

 

They end up going to Hot Topic a few days before Halloween, where Josh buys the weird Tokyo Ghoul mask with the teeth. Kaneki's mask. His hair is blonde at the moment, and that's close enough to white, isn't it? 

Tyler decides at the very last minute, literally, that he wants to dress up as a mermaid. They spend most of the day running around stores looking for different objects so that he can put together a makeshift costume. Tyler hot glues shells, fake pearls, seaweed, a fishing net, and even some fake fish to a skin colored shirt. He buys blue spray in color for his hair and Josh sprays it down for him. Tyler paints his face using fishnet to create the illusion of scales and then pops in some whiteout contacts. He let's Josh borrow his Sclera lenses and does a little makeup so that Josh looks.. Ghoulish. 

They're slightly terrifying for two tiny boys.

 

Once they're both happy with their costumes, Tyler's mom insists on taking pictures. Then she drops them off. They spend the night walking around the neighboring town, as Tyler knows from personal experience that they can snag some of the best candy from there. Tyler even makes Josh go up to a few doors and say, "trick or treat." It's hilarious and adorable. 

 

They decide it's much too cold to be outside when their lips start to get chapped and it hurts to kiss. Neither of them can see very well because of the contacts, so they end up walking to a little coffee shop. Tyler calls his mom and asks her to pick them up. He buys them both hot coco while they wait. The girl at the cash register looks horrified and tells them that they look  _very_ scary. They laugh and say thank you.

 

Josh had fun. He had a lot of fun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like the writing is a little weird... I'm not sure if i dig it or not.. but whatever   
> enjoy!


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